i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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