BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
