Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
