His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
