At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
