Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
