so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
