I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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