Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Farmville is her only friend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
