They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
