I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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