Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
