If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
