I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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