some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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