the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
