it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
