so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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