oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
