My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
