Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
