Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
