Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
