i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
