she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
