The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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