no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
