Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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