well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
