I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
