I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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