you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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