just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
