I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
