Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
