Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
