Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
