Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
