i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
