three words: i give head
three words: not that well
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am midnight drunk by noon
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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