It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
