once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
