anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
