i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
