I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
