i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I need a beard to bite.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
