You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
