My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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