I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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