I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize