She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
