if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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