I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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