I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
