I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
please come you make the beer taste better
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
