Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
