This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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