Ambien. No doubt about it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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