Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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